My last post was probably one of the more depressing moments that I have put myself in. I didn't want to feel better, I just wanted to be sad. That was a first for me in the past 6-8 months. What made that night even worse was that there was someone who wanted to make me feel better. She was sitting right there supporting me, asking me what she could do.
I just responded with "Nothing"
That's not fair at all. I regret it, because everything she was saying was right, but I wanted to feel miserable.
Lately, I don't want to have the addiction of emotional pain anymore. That was my secret for a long time, but I told too many people that it wasn't fun anymore. I want to find something that no one knows about. Something that I can call my own that no one else can take from me like so many things have been. In the day light I'll be the normal person. By night I'll be something or someone else. Or even myself, rather. That will be my project. Find something that I can be without anybody knowing about it. Maybe that's what I need in my life, a self purpose.
Why am I blogging?
So I can remember what I was thinking.
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